The Dream And A Missing Psychologist

I find dreams fascinating. Even nightmares.

Growing up, I had a few recurrent dreams. They have stuck with me through the years, and every once in a while (very rarely at least) I have one of them again. I’ll write about each one sometime.

Now, I have a new dream. I’ve had it only once before, but even one repeat tells me there are issues I need to deal with.

The first time I had this particular dream was during one of my own vacations, and I couldn’t see my therapist that week.

I had the same dream again last night.

I go into my old living room and see my dad, a woman from our past, and my new stepmom. The woman has blood all over her face, and is sitting on the couch, which is also full of blood. He looks mad. And I know he did that to her. My stepmom is quiet and just standing there. My dad starts shouting and screaming. I tell them I’m just going to the bathroom and will be right back.

Terrified, I go out into the hallway, take out my phone and start looking for my therapists number, so I can call her and ask her what I must do. Do I phone the hospital or the police or both? Remember this is a dream, so even though the answer is simple in waking life, it didn’t work that way here. Anyway, my phone doesn’t respond, and does its own thing. Opening other apps and not allowing me into my contact list. I’m getting extremely frustrated and panicking.

Suddenly, I find myself outside. Everything is grey and there’s a heavy mist all around. I realize I’m standing in water up to my knees. I feel this urge to look for something. Only I don’t know what. There are big, tall buildings all around me, and I’m walking through narrow spaces between the buildings. I’m getting anxious, claustrophobic and overwhelmed. All the while I’m still trying to find my therapists number. I eventually manage to get into my contact list, but her number isn’t there anymore. There’s no trace of her anywhere on my phone. All the messages I had, also gone. As if I had never met her. As if she had never existed.

The water (that I’ve been walking through the entire time) starts getting deeper. Dark water, black as tar. My next step, I plunge down into the water, as if the ground had just given way beneath me. I struggle to the surface and manage to come back up for air. Just as I take a big gulp of air, something pulls me beneath the surface again.

I wake up in a panic, and check my phone. Everything is still there. Momentary relief.

It seems to happen when I don’t see my therapist for a week or more. I’ve only started seeing her at the beginning of last month, so the therapy process and these feelings toward her are still relatively new. By the time we have our next session, it would have been exactly 2 weeks since our last one. What is 2 weeks? For me… A lifetime. So I know this dream has a lot to do with my fear of her not being around anymore, of her not coming back. Of forgetting about me. Which is extremely frustrating because I know logically that it’s not true. But my logical center either suffers from memory loss or has a short attention span. The emotional part then takes over quickly, throwing me into a panic, and convincing me of the opposite. The fear is soothed (for a while at least) when and if being reassured that said person will indeed come back. It’s a special type of torture that only those who experience the same thing will be able to understand.

I follow Dr. Gerald Stein’s blog (which I highly recommend if you haven’t stumbled upon it by now), a retired Clinical Psychologist who often blogs about psychotherapy. It’s always helpful to read things from a therapist’s point of view. And this article I read seemed fitting for this post:

‘Managing The Dread Of A Therapists Vacation’

Feel free to offer any of your own interpretations of this dream if you wish. It’s always interesting to hear other people’s perspectives.

11 thoughts on “The Dream And A Missing Psychologist

  1. Interesting. ..I had a therapist going on vacation dream the night before the dream within the dream I posted. I stopped seeing my therapist five years ago, but there he was, with his whole family in his office, which, in the dream, turned into his house. He is from India, so they were all dressed in their native garb, and I, too, was having phone problems. I couldn’t find mine, but I could hear it, with the sound of the youtube hypnotherapist I listen to when I go to sleep. I looked everywhere cause my doctor was telling me I needed to turn that off, he was getting angry and so was his family. …I must’ve found 10 phones that either used to be mine, or brand new phones, still in the box….I was getting frantic, and then I woke up, found my phone with the hypnotherapy playing and turned it off. Weird. I had no idea how to interpret that dream, but thanks to this post, I have a starting point.


    1. Thanks for your comment and sharing your dream with me. It certainly sounds interesting… There’s probably lots there that can be clues and interpreted, and I’m glad I could help you with a starting point. 🙂 Like this dream that I had, the individual elements (water, buildings, etc) also represent certain things that I have yet to uncover. That’s why I love dreams. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As I always love to quote Dr. Phil “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” And the fact that you are acknowledging that you are fearful of your therapist abandoning you is a HUGE step. I was happy to read that, its okay to be fearful, but your able to rationalize there is no reason to be, and I truly believe your going to make serious progress just based on that acknowledgment. And as for your dream, I found it really interesting and as I was reading it I couldn’t help but to interpret. I interpreted it as unresolved trauma resurfacing from the subconscious, trauma one most likely experienced during childhood. When I read that you have had the same dream for a while, it made me think that it is related to something in your past that continues to resurface, as it has never been addressed to the point where it can be let go of. I would definitely be recommend getting your therapists opinion on it, and I would be very interested to learn their interpretation of it. I find dreams very interesting. It seems like your doing well, keep it up ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that quote! Thanks for sharing it. It’s so fitting, especially at this point in my life. It’s been an extremely weird and bumpy week, but I think I had somewhat of a breakthrough yesterday. More of a “wake up call” actually. My therapist has the link to this blog, so if she hasn’t read this post yet, I’ll point it out to her during one of our sessions and we can go through it together. Thanks for commenting and for offering your views on this dream. And a BIG thank you for your kind words and encouragement. It means the world to me. 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No problem glad I could help 🙂 id be really interested in what your therapist says, maybe if you feel comfortable writing about it! Looking forward to more posts!


        1. If I’m not comfortable writing a post about it, I could always email you. You can send me a message on my contact page with your email address. I’ll let you know. 🙂


  3. I can’t say I know what it’s like or how you feel, but it is odd how emotions can convince us of false things as if they were true. I can fence with the negative thoughts more or less (sometimes much less), but the emotional stuff? Man, that’s a much greater challenge.

    Liked by 1 person

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