From The Deep: Why Can’t The Past Just Stay In The Past?

It’s been one of those days.

Where old hurts that I hadn’t even remembered in years came flooding back. Where people I had forgotten about, reappeared in my mind. Trying to push it aside. Trying to forget again. This pain is too much. I don’t want to feel it. Yet I do feel it. And I can do nothing about it, because once again for reasons beyond my understanding, I am unable to shed a tear. Oh, I know other ways to try stop the pain. But it doesn’t always help either. Or am I just doing it wrong? A rhetorical question, I guess.

Along with these memories, came this song. A song I never would have discovered or even liked, but which quickly became very special to me. Both a source of comfort at times, and of utter devastation at others. I was sent this song by one of those forgotten people. I hadn’t realized I had kept it all these years. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to remember it. The events that led to me receiving this song. The reason for it. The meaning behind the lyrics. What happened after. Yet it feels like a part of me and I can’t seem to let it go yet. Why do we hold onto things? Why can’t we just leave the past where it belongs?

From The Deep lyrics:

Your dreams
Your prayer
I can’t believe
Can’t be just pain
Your days your ways
In all these tears
In all these screams

From the deep my call
There is one reason for your life
One more reason for your life

Here I am
Please don’t cry
Till the end to say goodbye
Here I am
And here my prayer
I’m still here and in your days

From the deep my call
There is one reason for your life
One more reason for your life

This is the life
Too short to die
To hard to stay
We’ll meet again
These words for you to say goodbye

Perfect day for the rain
Hear my song to say goodbye
Till the end of this life
When the light goes away
Hear my song and hear my cry
It’s not the end of your life.

Here I am please don’t cry
Till the end to say goodbye
Here I am and hear my prayer
I’m still here and in your days

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6 thoughts on “From The Deep: Why Can’t The Past Just Stay In The Past?

  1. I know how this feels. You think you’ve moved on then suddenly everything comes flooding back to you, it really sucks and people can easily say “let it go” like they’re Elsa but its not that simple especially if those events affected you so much and so deeply that simply the memory of those events brings emotional pain. I hope that, in time, these memories will be less painful for you ❤ xx

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    1. Exactly right. I’m battling to understand why something that I thought I had dealt with, has the power to still cause so much pain. Thank you so much for your comment and kind words. 🙂 ❤

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  2. I wonder if it is the nature of grief. Some hurts, might always hurt. Not to the same severity, but I wonder if those really deep hurts might always have the potential to remind us of that painful experience we went through. I don’t have a great answer because I often am visited by past experiences I don’t intentionally think of. It is hard to cope with, that is for sure.

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    1. Hi Rachel. I always appreciate your comments so much. Thank you. That might certainly be the case. Maybe with even more time those hurts might hurt less, but never fully disappear. Maybe it’s as Caroline states below. Needing to do something to release ourselves from the past. Like you, I don’t have a concrete answer myself. I hope you’re well. 🙂

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  3. The song has lovely lyrics. I really relate to what you say about not understanding why the past can’t stay in the past. But our past conditions our reactions in the present, unless we do something very major to release ourselves from that past. Although I was 9 years clean from drugs and alcohol I hadn’t dealt with my PTSD caused by my mother’s threats towards me when I was a child. That untreated PTSD caused me to have a nervous breakdown and end up in bed for 3 months although I was clean. It was only when I did trauma therapy EMDR that it lifted the PTSD and released me from my past.

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    1. Thank you for commenting Caroline, and for sharing some of your experience with me. It’s always helpful to hear how people got through things or deal with them. “But our past conditions our reactions in the present, unless we do something very major to release ourselves from that past”. That makes sense. Only thing I need to figure out now is how to do that, as I’m pretty sure it’s different for every circumstance/event in our lives. Thanks again. 🙂

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