Dream: Waves

I was going to start this post with an apology for my last post, and for not having written anything in a little while. But I don’t want this blog to become a place where I apologize for having feelings (or not feeling anything at all), or where I post because I feel I have to. I think I know myself well enough to know that once that happens, it will just become another thing I stop because I feel overwhelmed and like it’s a responsibility. Thank you to everyone who reads my posts, and for all your comments, likes, and emails. I appreciate all of you.

I’m still not in the head space to write anything ‘profound’ or uplifting, so decided to share another dream instead.

Last night I had a nightmare that I had so many times as a child and teenager, but over recent years hasn’t featured quite as much. Strangely enough, the dream is always the same, with only very minor differences.

I’m standing in a wooden house in what appears to be the middle of the ocean, because I can’t see a shore in any direction. The house is on stilts. Either I am doing something in the house, or I am just looking out the window over the ocean. If I am doing something, I hear a thundering noise, and go to the window, or out on the deck. I see this huge wave coming toward me. There’s a massive storm as well. I do not panic, but feel this intense fear. I want to run, but I know I can’t. That there is nowhere to go. So all I do is watch as it comes closer. I usually wake up the instant before the wave can hit the house.

A few times the wave would actually hit me before I woke up, and I would be struggling to grab a hold of any piece of wood I could find. Panic taking over, I would struggle and swallow a lot of the salty sea water. I was busy drowning when I would jolt awake, and find myself safe in bed, but feeling very unsafe, my entire body shaking and my heart beating in my head. This extended version of the dream played out last night.

I wish this dream would just stop repeating. Although I suspect it has to do with feeling overwhelmed with life and everything going on in my head. It literally feels like I’m drowning lately. I also can’t help but feel that even the wooden house represents something that I just can’t quite figure out. I guess that’s the world of dreams.

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13 thoughts on “Dream: Waves

  1. Funny- I pressed reply but I not sure what to say. Most of my posts are about how I feel in the moment- not necessarily uplifting. Why do our posts need to be inspirational? What you are writing about is real life. Hard to face but it’s the reality

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re 100% correct. I guess I’m still a little wary of revealing certain feelings where public eyes can see it, but I’m getting there. I originally started this blog to document my own journey, and express my feelings, and I think somewhere along the way I started thinking I should be a little more careful of what I post. But you’re right, it’s real life and I’m certainly not helping myself by constantly censoring everything. Oh, and I like inspirational (when I’m in the right frame of mind, it’s also part of my life). Thank you for your comment. 🙂

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  2. Sounds intense. I get that internal sense of pressure or judgment around the blog: how often to write, what to write, etc. For what it is worth, you could write never, and I would still read and support you. You don’t have to perform on here.

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  3. I can speak to some of the archetypal images I recognize in your dream… The meaning of which is truly only knowable to you, but maybe I can help demystify it a bit?

    In dreams, a house can represent the Self. The porch, our social self, or the face we show to the world.
    Water can be a metaphor for our emotional life.
    That your dream house is on stilts, could mean that you feel insecure in your sense of self (if you are dealing with BPD, duh, right?)
    That you are encircle by ocean as far as the eye can see… Could point to the depth and strength of your emotions.

    So, what do you do about it?

    It seems to me, that you could play along with the imagery. What if you built a raft? What if, you started swimming in the Ocean, before waves threaten to overcome you? What would that look like in your waking life, in relation to encounters with your emotions?

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    1. Hi. 🙂 Thanks for your very interesting thoughts on this, which make a lot of sense by the way. I enjoyed reading what you wrote, and I’ll definitely spend some time looking at things individually… There’s bound to be interesting discoveries to be made.

      The last paragraph of your comment made an think of Lucid Dreaming, which is something I started learning about a while ago. But then life got in the way and I stopped. I had chosen my “checks” and had been doing them for a few days hoping I would eventually have an LD. One evening while on holiday with my ex fiance I had a dream/nightmare of an ominous male figure coming towards my bed. In the dream I did one of my checks, looking at my hands and counting my fingers. Low and behold there was an extra finger growing out of my index finger and it confirmed that I was, in fact, dreaming. I tried to turn that figure into my therapist, someone who represents safety instead of the evil I was picking up from this figure that had just sat down on the foot of my bed and giving me a sick smile. I heard my therapists gentle voice beside me, like a whisper, and that’s when I unfortunately woke up. At least it was a good first attempt in my opinon, haha. But it would be interesting if I could “play” with those things in the dream itself. Not too sure how to do that in waking life though? Now I want to get back into the fascinating world of Lucid Dreaming.

      Thanks again for commenting on this. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Our imaginations can be powerful. I don’t know that every adult still can access the power of daydreaming, or active imagination, as easily as we all could as children… But I’ve found it very helpful in understanding my nightmares and my dreams. Even to the point of rewriting the scripts. Lucid dreaming is the same activity, only when we are sleeping. I fail at lucid dreams– but I rock at wakeful imagination! If you have artistic leanings, wakeful imagination is bolstered by creative flow states. I believe the same area of the brain is active in both, but don’t quote me on that;)

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        1. Oh I’m a big daydreamer! It’s one of my favourite coping mechanisms. Thanks for this idea… I never actually thought of trying that with my dreams. Will give it a go. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve come to appreciate the dream dictionary over at dreammoods.com. While it doesn’t always make sense, sometimes it helps me to process through the dream a little bit and see what my mind is attempting to accomplish that it can’t in my waking life. Perhaps it would be of use to you as well? I enjoy reading your posts but I agree with the others that it shouldn’t be an obligation. What you are living is an inspiration all on its own so to add any wisdom you’ve attained along your journey is all the more. Thank you for bearing your heart for others to glean from!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the website, it’s an interesting one that I’ll definitely visit regularly. I’m glad you enjoy reading my posts. 🙂 Thank you so much for your beautiful words, I appreciate them immensely. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The imagery of dreams is so fascinating your dream is so rich although it ends badly. I have never had a dream like yours but I used to have many dreams about being chased by monsters and wild animals and I would have to fly to escape them but they would always catch me in the end. Your dream is also an annihilation dream – I think most nightmares are. Before I started drinking I would have conscious fears of annihilation checking under the bed, in the wardrobe the bathroom and the shower for serial killers finding hiding places from the serial killers and practising my escape routes. But when I started drinking this all went underground so I started having the annihilation monsters dreams instead. . When I got clean I developed a fear of serial killers again so the annihilation fears became conscious. Now that has much improved since I did EMDR and increased my medication I have few thoughts of annihilation now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve had a few monster dreams myself, they’re really not fun. But then again, which nightmares are, right? Wow, your experience sounds intense. I kind of get it though… I have this unnatural fear of sleeping with open doors, windows (no matter how hot it is), cupboards, drawers, etc. So I make sure everything is closed before getting into bed. This might sound weird for an adult to be having this particular fear… But I can’t have any parts of my body hanging off the sides of the bed either. I’m always afraid something grabs me from underneath the bed. Sad and embarrassing, but true. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

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  6. I often have a similar dream of a wave. A little while ago I posted about it in a blog. I think its so true that the house is you and the water your emotional life, but I do believe that the ocean can also represent all the events that have occurred to us that went unconscious or into the unconscious. Its pretty clear it represents an emotional overwhelm and fear of what is rising up. But in time you may find the courage to face and integrate it.

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