Change

I started a new job on Wednesday. My range of emotions are vast.

I’m excited about this job, and enjoying it. Other times I feel fearful and just want to stay home in bed and drown out the world. I’m still trying to find balance. I feel completely off kilter and not quite sure how to handle this. As with any change, it takes a while for the body and mind to come together in harmony again I suppose. And as much as I like change, that fact doesn’t make it that much easier to deal with when it actually happens. Alternating between periods of feeling “I belong here” and “what the hell am I doing here?”, and “what if I fuck up?”.

I no longer have unlimited time to spend on my blog or other people’s blogs, my emails are falling behind, and I haven’t watched TV in days. It feels a little strange to not have that so much anymore. But it’s a good thing. I just really need to find that sweet spot. Anxiousness has reared it’s ugly head again.

I found in the first few days, I was testing the people I work with. Being awkward, saying the weirdest shit because I’m feeling nervous and uncomfortable, only to find them laughing at all of my jokes and paying complete attention to me, almost like they’re eating a meal and savoring every bite. This is strange. I thought I was putting them off. Definitely a good group of people… And it seems I fit right in. After all, anyone who can accept me through my awkwardness is alright in my books. I’m much more comfortable around them now and the awkward moments have mostly disappeared.

Working night shifts, my sleeping patterns have changed too. It feels strange to get home late, past my bed time, and sleep in until 8am. But I’m slowly starting to feel better. Yesterday was the first time in ages that I woke up feeling as though I had a good nights rest. The constant fatigue seems to have gone. So maybe I’ve found a good sleeping arrangement and should continue this even on my days off. Maybe it’s a combination of having a job, socializing, and Vitamin B, Iron and Magnesium supplements that have also helped me feel physically stronger and less mentally exhausted.

They say change is as good as a holiday. Well, it takes a while to get your mind fully into holiday mode too, so I’ll go with that.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Change

  1. I Sing the Body Electric

    I love this post. I’m very affected by change too so can totally get you there…the quotes are awesome 😁 I e-mailed you, hope you got it 💜😘

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations on your new job! It sounds as if you are meant to work there but I understand the days where you feel like not leaving your bed, I’ve spent the past three weeks off work because of these feelings, I’m hoping to go back soon though. I’m glad you’re sticking with it even on your bad days and happy to hear that people are treating you well ❤ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! There were certainly times in the past where I didn’t want to go in to work for weeks at a time, but I would have gotten fired, so I push through. Yesterday I didn’t want to go in, but I had to force myself. It sucks. Thanks for your comment. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. c-ptsd.depressed.agoraphobic

    Massive well done on your new job! Change is haaaard (!) and can bring lots of anxiety to begin with so try and remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Love the quotes. i think i may save them for myself when i begin a new venture as i often flip between the two,like you say, “I belong here” and “what the hell am I doing here?”/ “what if I fuck up?”.

    “I no longer have unlimited time to spend on my blog or other people’s blogs, my emails are falling behind, and I haven’t watched TV in days.” I hope you’re not being hard on yourself for this this, you are right it takes everything time to fall into place and become easier. You are doing great and you got this 😉 Well done you for your achivements so far! I’m proud for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. 🙂 Spent some “me” time today and watched one of my favourite TV shows and read a lot. I really needed this day off. I’m off again tomorrow thank goodness. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Congrats!! It is hard to suddenly have the free time taken away. It is an adjustment, and those take time and patience and there are some bumps while the changes happens. I hope you are gentle with yourself during the transition. New jobs are hard enough, let alone all else you contend with.

    Liked by 1 person

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s