A Neighbourhood Gone Mad

This neighborhood I’m currently living in is fucking crazy! There are insane people living here, of which we are the most normal. Which, it has to be said, is a completely surprising and new experience for me.

Someone is always losing their dog or cat. I think they’ve lost their minds which is of far greater concern, but of course, I don’t tell them this. People asking us to look for their scared cat in our yard, which always happens at night by the way. A lady screaming as if someone had just died, I run to the balcony, only to find her chasing her dog up and down the street trying to catch the bugger… Again. Stop leaving the gate open or keep the dog locked up inside when you have to open the gate, for goodness sake! Does anyone still learn from their mistakes? Anyway, you just see people coming out to see what the commotion is about (inquisitive humans), then retreating back to the safety of their houses, and away from the woman attempting to pounce on her poor scared dog in a bid to grab a hold of him/her. People hooting for their partner or whoever to open the gate/garage. Get another set of keys dammit, it’s 11pm! There are kids trying to sleep (me being one of them).

Children screaming. Phones ringing (when clearly there’s no one at home). A toddler running into the road for two days in a row now, and then getting spanked by his mother, who has curlers in her hair, and is wearing slippers. Absolutely lovely. The couple across the road, having screaming matches every other day. I hate conflict and this especially drives me crazy. I retreat to my computer, put on my noise reducing headphones and crank up the music. I glance up for a moment, and through the open curtains, see that they’re making out on the sidewalk now. It seems like a regular routine.

Yet another neighbour constantly getting home late at night, clearly drunk, and yelling how this country will be the death of him. Yes sir, it most definitely will be in your current (almost permanent) state. Watch out for that car, by the way.

Then, there’s the woman in the house behind us, always singing Phantom of the Opera songs at the top of her lungs while cleaning the house, making sure that all the windows are open. Which I wouldn’t have a problem with, if she didn’t sound like a horse about to give birth (I’m assuming that’s how it would sound). I know, I’m mean.

Standing on my balcony, I have a lovely view of… All the houses surrounding us. And with that is the neighbour that either doesn’t care, or doesn’t know any better, that takes showers at precisely the times I happen to be sitting on the balcony (at various times, mind you), with no covering over the window. So I’m graced with seeing him in all his naked glory. I’ve yet to see his wife/girlfriend which I’d much rather prefer, but hey, it’s free. I know I technically don’t have to look, but come on… Curiosity always wins over common sense. At least for me.

Last night, true to form, the couple across the road starting fighting again. My dad came out of his room, with only his jocks on (highly disturbing), threatening (in a very loud voice) to fuck them up. And, as sound seems to travel throughout the neightbourhood, I’m guessing they heard him, because silence ensued directly after that. My dad skulked back to bed.

My uncle, constantly stressed out these days, and looking like he’s about to kill someone at any moment, is always complaining how the people around us have no respect. Then he goes out with his beanie on his head, in dark clothes, stands at the gate and smokes a cigarette. He stares at whatever commotion/madness is going on outside our gates and just shakes his head, attempting to light another cigarette with one still hanging from his lips. Yes, we all have our issues.

Even the animals aren’t exempt from this craziness! The birds have decided that my balcony is the perfect place for them to shit. I’ve narrowly escaped being pelted myself a couple of times. What’s wrong with the world? When one can’t even sit in quiet contemplation on your own balcony without the risk of being crapped on or seeing the dog walking (actually, running) the Chinese guy living further down the road, while he’s clearly having trouble breathing? And when one dog barks, they all seem to join in, like a choir gone horribly wrong, and it goes on forever. I’m pretty sure that most of the time they don’t even know what they’re barking at.

I’ve lived in a lot of places in my lifetime. But this, this one takes the cake.

Oh, how I love this neighbourhood.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “A Neighbourhood Gone Mad

  1. Lol!! You really are the most sane one! You’d love the peace and quietness where I live, though I’ve had my fair share of crazy neighbours in the past. Bless you! Xx I’ve sent you a video. Let me know how you get on when you try 🐴 I’m off to watch a horse giving birth 🐍😘❤🐼💖💪👼💞🐻🐘🍰🐸💙💜🙏😘👦👧🐴🐴🐍 😋😜😍😵😱 Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I long for peace and quiet… I might just come move in with you guys. 😛 If you happen to find that horse, please make sure to record a video, so I can check my facts. 😉 xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Chris

    LMAO! I have never laugh so much in my life as I did while reading this! 😀 This is so hilarious… That place is certainly a fun place to live in… LOL you get free shows… LOL and more stuff…. LOL thank you for this!!!

    Liked by 1 person

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s