The Healing Bond

In my post ‘The Therapeutic Relationship‘, I wrote about my connection with my therapist, and the fear that often accompanies it.

On Monday morning, in preparation for our session later that afternoon, I asked her to open up that post for our session (she has access to my blog). I wasn’t sure whether she had read it, but I thought it was important that she does.

Most of the session revolved around talking about our relationship, my fears and things I had left unsaid for so long. I didn’t run away from it this time. I fully embraced it. And I’m so glad I did.

I got to see a side of her that I’ve never seen before, a more vulnerable side, and it was absolutely beautiful. My heart just softened. I felt this overwhelming love for her, and warmth filled every part of me. That moment right there… That moment is one I’ll never forget. It’s etched in my memory forever.

One of the things I told her, is that I sometimes worry that I’ll be replaced by her other clients. That I won’t be important to her anymore. She put that fear to rest by saying that she’ll always make time for me. That she cares about me. It felt really good to hear that.

I also asked her whether she thought I was still making progress. Because I feel like I’m not. But I spent some time thinking about this since that session. And I reached the conclusion that I am making progress.

I’ll give two examples.

I never really had boundaries with people in my life. In my head yes, but I was unable to communicate and enforce them. Now, thanks to this healing relationship, I’m starting to become better at it. I wasn’t even aware of it at first, it came so gradually. I still have a way to go, but there’s definitely progress.

Since I started seeing her at the beginning of March this year, I had this obsessive attachment to her. I would bombard her with emails. When she went on vacation for about a week, late in April, that didn’t stop me. I even sent her an angry email. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, and what did I do? More emails. I was in crisis mode.

She always had an open policy, where I could contact her anytime. But I took it too far. I misused it greatly. In the last email she sent me during her vacation, she wrote that she feels strongly that we should have no contact between sessions, or have two sessions a week. But I couldn’t afford two sessions a week, so that was out.

I was devastated. I felt that the connection we had, had just been shattered. She had broken my heart. She had taken something away from me. I felt rejected and abandoned. When we had our next session, she was open to discussing this, and we reached a compromise. I could contact her during working hours. No nights or weekends. I still wasn’t happy with that arrangement, but it was better than absolutely no contact between sessions.

In our session on Monday, we revisited this topic. I told her that I don’t want this boundary anymore. That it hurts. That I’m jealous of all her other clients who don’t have this boundary. As usual, she listened and took to heart what I was telling her. She said that April is long gone, and she’s willing to give it a try and drop the boundary. I asked her whether she thinks I won’t misuse it this time. I liked her answer. She said that we know one another well by now, and she believes I won’t.

And I don’t plan to. I don’t want to use it unless I have to reschedule a session. It’s not about a boundary. It’s about me respecting her time. I want her to have her evenings and weekends to unwind and enjoy. And you know what? I’m actually glad she had set that boundary, because I grew from it. I learned from it. I learned to hold myself between sessions. To sit with my emotions and thoughts. To self soothe. I don’t feel the need to contact her in the evenings and on weekends, even though for some reason those are the hardest times for me. That is progress.

After this session, I feel an even deeper bond, a closer connection.

I want to encourage all of you going through therapy to be open and honest with your therapist about your feelings regarding the relationship. It’s so important for the healing process.

The universe has handed me a lot of shit, but it seems to have made up for it by connecting me to this amazing therapist.

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14 thoughts on “The Healing Bond

  1. I have wanted contact with my therapist in between appointments and it has been problematic. She is very firmly boundaried. She says I should not interpret it as punitive, and if there were no boundaries in place I’d probably try and control the whole relationship. That is not her being mean, it’s true. I am like that, and therapy is a big learning curve emotionally. It pulls on my heartstrings more than anything. I’m glad you had that positive breakthrough moment with her. I hope the therapy relationship continues to heal you 😘❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe boundaries are important in therapy, and also that they should be spoken about. What works for one client won’t necessarily work for another. Which is why I’m glad my therapist is open with me and discusses these things, the reasoning behind it, asks for my thoughts and feelings, etc. It definitely is a big learning curve. Thanks lovely. ❤ xx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I love this. And that warm feeling – I remember the first time I had that with A. It comes rarely now but definitely when I need it – and usually when I am the most honest and real. I am so glad you found your therapist.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Its a lot of work, isn’t it establishing those boundaries when we have a pool of need from the past that is so deep? Its so good that you can open up in this way. I am very mindful of not overwhelming my therapist now. I know I can contact her any time but a lot of good comes when I can hold by myself with the feelings. Having someone else to reach out to at times also helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes, it’s a lot of work. I respect my therapists time, and don’t want to send her texts or emails when she’s supposed to be relaxing in the evenings and over weekends/holidays. That should be her time. Not having to deal with clients.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So happy for you, Rayne.
    That warm feeling between you and your therapist… there’s nothing like it, or at least nothing that I’ve experienced. It’s incredible.
    It’s almost as overwhelming as the intensity of grief / abandonment / insecurity that we can often feel… but in a much better way.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I had a talk with my therapist Monday and that was hard to do. She cancelled on me via email and I never say the email until I drove an hour to get there. I was instantly upset with her and I wanted to quit seeing her. I hate that I have such jump ship reactions but she hurt me. I felt like she didnt care if she saw me or not to cancel via email a half hour before the session. We talked it out and I’m still a little hurt because I feel like she gives her other clients more understanding then me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I’m really sorry to hear this. I don’t think it was very professional to cancel via email, but that’s just my opinion. I would have been upset as well. Far beyond it actually. I hope she can give you reason to trust her again and that you’ll feel secure in the relationship soon. Sending you hugs. ❤

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