Making Progress Even When You Can’t See It

A few sessions ago, I told my therapist that I finally felt like I was making progress. That therapy is finally helping me. She jokingly asked me if I was saying that therapy hasn’t helped me before that? I told her that the seeds had been there all along, but I just hadn’t been aware of the growth until now.

Often, we don’t see the progress we have made. Hell, we may even feel like we’re just moving backward. And sometimes that’s the truth. We take a step forward, only to move two steps back. But that’s okay. That’s the thing with mental illness. There are no quick fixes. The road to recovery isn’t straight and easy. It takes a lot of work, and there will be relapses and set backs. It’s completely normal, even though it can be extremely frustrating.

When I do something different to how I would have done it in the past, Therapist will point it out and tell me to look at the growth I’ve made, and how far I’ve come. Most of the time I don’t even see what’s right in front of me, due to the negative way I tend to see myself. Other times when she points these things out to me, it fills me with a sense of pride. Because at that moment, I can see it. All the little things I do differently. All the ways in which I have improved. They’re there. I just need to open up my eyes.

If you feel like you’re not making any progress, take a look back, and you might be surprised to find that you have indeed made progress. Small steps in the right direction. When I’m in crisis, and I feel I’m getting worse or therapy isn’t working, and I just want to give up, I like using the DBT skills from the Distress Tolerance (Crisis Survival Skills) module. The Distract Skill, which is broken down into ACCEPTS as follows:

Activities – Find an activity you can get lost in.
Contribute – Help someone else. Contribute in any way you can, such as smiling at a stranger.
Compare – Compare your past self with your present self.
Emotions – Try to find a way to switch into a different emotion. Through music for example.
Pushing Away – If you can’t solve a problem right then and there, pick that problem up and imagine putting it into a box. Place it on a shelf until you’re in a better space to deal with it.
Thoughts – Name things around you. Or breathe in a word, and choose another word for the out breath.
Sensations – An ice cold shower, or lying on cold tiles seems to do the trick for me. Or if it’s raining, I stand in the rain until I’m shivering. Eat or drink something bitter or sweet. Anything that engages one or more of your senses is helpful.

I use the ‘Compare’ part quite often now. Looking at my past self, and comparing that to how I am now. It’s a very good way to see the little bits of progress I have made. It helps get me out of that crisis state, and into what Marsha Linehan (the creator of DBT) calls Wise Mind. Writing down all the improvements. It’s not easy in those moments of intensity, in the midst of the emotional storm, but once started, and written down, I usually find that storm start to slowly die down a little. Because then my mind is engaged in the current task. A positive task. Something that isn’t harming me.

Just as a side note. Using these skills in the heat of an emotional storm is difficult. Mostly because you won’t always remember them. At least that’s the case with me. So it’s important to write these skills down, along with a list of what you feel would help you in each of those ‘catagories’ during these difficult moments.

Right now, I’m treating myself to a delicious, creamy mug of hot chocolate to celebrate the ways in which I have grown over these past few months. It’s my special treat for a job well done. And even though I still have a long way to go, that doesn’t mean that I can’t celebrate the little steps I have already made.

So go on and treat yourself to something you enjoy, or that warms your heart. You deserve it.

17 responses to “Making Progress Even When You Can’t See It”

  1. Rayne this is a really wholesome and positive uplifting (but still realistic) post about recovery. You ARE making progress and I’m glad you’re feeling a sense of pride and mastery. It is hard work, but these are valuable life lessons that will make your future better than your past 😊🙆💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, lovely! Your support and friendship mean the world to me. “It is hard work, but these are valuable life lessons that will make your future better than your past” Yes! I love this. 😉 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Likewise. You’d leave a big hole in my life if I didn’t have you ❤ you and me have both progressed during the time we’ve been friends. What would I do without my Rayne 😁😙

        Liked by 1 person

        • A big hole indeed! We’ve grown together in some ways. It’s really cool, and good to look back at how far we’re come. What would you do without me? Probably have more time on your hands. 😛 Love you my friend. xx ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  2. SO glad you have a therapist that you connect with. Thank you also for sharing the Distract skill. I think when I’m in crisis, I push away, but probably not in a healthy, reflective way. I like to put a lot of my junk in my “Nothing” box, and leave it there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I really hope it DOES help others… Even if it’s just one person, it’s worth it. 🙂 Getting stuck and down on life again happens so often, so like you said it’s worth trying to remember those little things. They all add up. 🙂 ❤


  3. Thank you for pointing out that we do make progress even if its just a tiny bit. It’s hard to recognize that when we do take one step ahead and 3 back.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this. It’s really helpful and I will refer back to this post when I need to remember ways to manage how I’m feeling. 💛

    Liked by 1 person

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