Merry (Is It?) Christmas

Posted on by Rayne

You know what really pisses me off about this time of year? The fucking Christmas music. The same old crap every year. Could someone please come up with new songs? Or better yet… Do away with it completely. If I have to hear “Jingle Bells” one more time, I’m going to lose my shit.

Earlier this week, I had to go do some grocery shopping (shopping anxiety level, 10/10) . When paying, I asked the teller whether they have baseball bats. They didn’t. Probably better that way. I had the genius plan to go smash the speakers. Plan ruined. Damn. The teller thought my plan was hilarious though and gave me a high five. Anxiety level, 5/10. You’re awesome teller lady!

Fast forward to today. I don’t even know what today actually is. I’m in my own little bubble. The dad and stepmom went away for the day (I’m hoping they’ll stay overnight wherever they are). Uncle is on his own mission. I went for lunch with Jasmine and her family.

Now I’m alone (with my non Christmas music). Did some reading and took a nap (thank you Xanax) with my two comfort items. The stuffed bear that Jasmine gave me, and my therapy jacket. I miss my therapist way too much. Took some photo’s of useless things. It doesn’t help that I’ve been feeling sick the whole day. Lost an hour somewhere. Where the hell does that time go? I should invest in a camera when I get a job again. I’d love to see what happens during these times.

To everyone who celebrates it, Merry Christmas to you.
And to those that don’t, and find this a painful and difficult day, I’m sending you hugs.

I’m ending this now. Going to go crash someone’s Christmas party in a Halloween outfit.

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Published by Rayne

Just a woman trying to find her place in this world. Diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, and writing about my journey through these challenges. "I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become." - C.G. Jung

23 thoughts on “Merry (Is It?) Christmas”

  2. I completely understand how your feeling, I’m sending huge hugs <3… I stopped celebrating the holidays a long time ago, I spend the whole day, sleeping and then watching a movie, my mom just spend it, locked in her room watching TV. So you are not alone! I can't wait for the damn year to finish already!

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  4. Personally I am glad its all over for the year. It all seems very crazy to me, stuffing your face with as much food as possible, running around to buy crap just to have something to give someone. In our family we stopped the Christmas bandwagon gift giving. The one Christmas Carol I really love is Silent Night though I feel a kind of special silent feeling on late Christmas Eve. And this Christmas all my depression passed by Christmas Day. I can really get feeling so fed up with shitty carols that you want to bust the speakers to piece though. 🙂

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    1. You nailed it. Unfortunately, in my family gifts are still part and parcel. This day was particulary difficult, as I received gifts, but didn’t have the money to get anyone anything, besides making cards. The guilt is horrible. I’m glad that your depression passed. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for that! An interesting read. Are you comfortable with sharing your email address with me? I know you might not want to display it publicly, so if you’re okay with it, you can use the contact form on this blog. ❤

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  6. That’s hilarious! I HATE Christmas music and even worse that they start playing that shit right after or just before Thanksgiving!! Same ol songs!! One newer song they kept playing that kinda grew on me was the one by Kelly Clarkson, that is until they played the shit outta it.
    Then there’s that slow classic “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” sang by that old dead dude. I can’t think of his name right now, but that song was played so much that my ears bled. Oh and Mariah Carey song…Now that song I can never get enough of! LOL!! Thas ma jam! 👍😉💕

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    1. Not a problem… In my eyes, there’s no such thing as ‘late’ in the blogging world. 😉 You were wise in hiding away. I wish I could have done that. At least the day is over. 🙂 ❤

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