Never Thought I’d Be Here – Part Two

My experience at the clinic was a positive one, excluding the Friday of course. Once I settled in, I started feeling better. Friday evening I slept straight through, as well as every night I was there. Which isn’t normal for me. Usually my first night sleeping out I barely sleep at all. What made it different this time? Maybe it’s because I felt taken care of and safe. That could be it.

The first night I got room service, since I had a lot of social anxiety, and didn’t want to be around so many strangers in the dining hall. The food there was better than I thought it would be. I lost a lot of weight last year, and from a healthy weight, I’m now underweight again. I’ve always been small built and skinny, and I hated it. I’d get mocked about it in school. While others were worried about gaining weight, I was desperately trying to pick up weight for most of my life. Four years ago, I finally achieved a perfect weight. But last year, I lost it all, and more. For the past few weeks I’ve been trying to go back to that weight. I’ve started eating 4 meals a day (including a protein shake). So the 3 big meals a day and 2 snack times (and hot chocolate in the evenings) at the clinic have made a difference.

I had two awesome roommates. One of them was a lot like me … The two introverts. We’re still in contact, and she refers to me as Psychologist, which I secretly love. The other one (Roommate #2) is a complete extrovert (I’m still in contact with her too), and would drive me and Roommate #1 crazy (but she knew that and was proud of it). Being in that environment, no one judges, and no matter how ‘weird’ you are, they accept you. After all we’re in the same place together, and there for somewhat similar reasons. I liked most of the people there. So many different characters. It felt like a big family. I miss the environment and the people there. Even the nurses were great.

Then there were the groups. The groups are focused exclusively on DBT, so I went to a few of those. We also had art therapy. I miss the routine there, so I’ve been trying to stick to it at home now. Lot’s of self care, eating better, having a mug of hot chocolate before bed (strangely enough, it helps me sleep), and a host of other things. It’s bound to become habit as long as I keep sticking to it.

If I could, I would have stayed for the entire three week program. At least I know that when I really need it, I can go back again.

Here’s what I learned from my time at the clinic:

It’s okay to reach out for help, and accept it when offered. It’s not a sign of weakness, but rather one of strength.

Just because I feel ashamed of doing something I never thought I’d do, like going into the clinic, doesn’t mean that I have to give in to that shame.

Support groups are valuable.

A non judgemental environment, where I’m accepted, is so important. I want to surround myself with such people, and spend more time with those who make me feel like I matter, that I’m accepted and loved just the way I am. I need to find those types of people too.

I need to keep my heart open. Because the most unlikely person, might just become someone really important. Go out and meet more people. You never know who might be going through similar challenges.

Routine is valuable and important to me.

I can’t just help and support others all the time, I must also allow others to help and support me. I can’t be responsible for everyone to the detriment of myself (thanks for this revelation Therapist).

Some people are just draining. Spending more time with those who lift me up and make me feel good, is so healing. Limit my time with people who deplete my energy. I say “limit” because I don’t want to not spend any time with them, as there’s a difference between those who drain my energy due to a difference in personality (introvert vs. extrovert), and those who are a negative force in my life.

And most important of all…
The clinic isn’t as scary as I thought it would be, hence my avoidance of them my entire life. Making assumptions and judgements about things, from other people’s accounts, or from what I see in the media, is a recipe for disaster. Everyone’s experiences are different, so why fear those things that might end up not being scary at all.

16 thoughts on “Never Thought I’d Be Here – Part Two

  1. Great story Rayne! Absolutely loved reading this. Especially the part with the roommates, teens and nurses.

    This post provides a lot of insight and some good food for thought. Like I’ve never been in such a clinic, but often wondered what it would be like to spend some time there.

    Then, you made a really good point on the difference between spending time with people who are different from us compared to ones who are a “negative force” in our lives. Quite brilliant. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reading this and the previous part all I feel for you is pride. You’ve done amazingly well to reach the mind-set that you have and that pleases me. While your problems are a part of you they aren’t you! You can always beat them into submission if you find the way 🙂 I hope you continue on the upward curve

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks a lot Paul. I really appreciate your words. I’m trying my best to take charge of my life and the problems that come with it (including my mental health), and will continue to do that. Even on the worst days. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s all you can do. If we didn’t try then we’d get nothing of what we wanted. You’ll have your bad days; they’re unavoidable; but I think you have the wherewithal to ride them out and get through to the good days 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Congrats, and it went well. I’m not all thrilled with support groups, as some of the ones I’ve been in no one wanted to talk or share and the moderators weren’t very engaging either. That’s the fault of the professional leader, though, not the patients/clients to have a successful group. I always felt I had to say something or no one else would! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I also wasn’t a fan of groups, since the ones I went to the in past were much like you mentioned. Thankfully, these groups were really good. Everyone spoke, and it was very engaging. The therapist and the OT’s made it fun actually. Very interactive, and even someone as shy as me, was able to relax and join in.


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