Letter To The 14 Year Old

Every now and then I go through my computer and delete everything I don’t want or need anymore. Those things that I won’t need soon, but still want access to, I put on my external HDD. I don’t like clutter. Not even on my computer. Everything needs to be named properly and be in neat folders.

Today was my clearing day. I came across a letter I had written in December. I don’t want it on my computer anymore, neither on my external. So I’m posting it here instead.

This is the letter I referred to in my post “The Inner Child & Teen“.

Letter To The 14 Year Old

Dear (Me),

Today I heard you.
I heard your silent screams.
Today I felt your pain.
I cried your tears.
I’ve never allowed you in before.
But today I stayed with you.
And I was you back there again.

Disorientated and confused as you lay your head down.
Not sure what had just happened. Nothing seeming real.
“Help me”, those words spinning round and round your head.
Could anyone hear you? Did anyone know? Could anyone see?

Even within the darkness, unable to see everything…
I feel. I feel your pain and despair. The hopelessness.
The all consuming loneliness.
You just wanted someone to hold you, didn’t you?
The soothing sound of a heart beat, not yours.

Fear. Confusion. Shame. Pain. So much pain.

I wish I could tell you it all works out.
I wish I could tell you the wounds fade quickly.
But I can’t tell you this. You wouldn’t believe me anyway.

It hurts to listen to you. It hurts to be you.
But I’ll try to not leave you alone again.

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17 thoughts on “Letter To The 14 Year Old

  1. drgeraldstein

    “Could anyone hear you? Did anyone know? Could anyone see?” And, if they did see, what did they do or neglect to do? A rhetorical question. No answer required.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is so, so powerful and I relate to it on a very deep level. Unfortunately I still get scared and run, leaving my fourteen year old behind. Maybe someday I will be brave enough to stay with her like T does.
    Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Rayne, I am in tears, as I read it I felt so related. 😥 as we grow older we realized such a difference would have been if somebody would ask us, Are you ok? or just simple noticed us, to see thru us… I still feel like this sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

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