Left Out

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I miss my therapist.

I feel this insane need for her right now. I’m not a part of her personal life, and while I’m usually fairly okay with that (well, at least resigned to the boundaries that exist in this relationship), today I’m not. Today it hurts like hell. I want to be where she is right now, or for her to be here. I just want to hold onto her and cry. I want to joke around with her. I want to see her smile. I want to hear her voice. I want to laugh with her. I just want her.

The most confusing thing is that I’m not even sure where this is coming from. There are so many other people it would be seen as “normal” for me to miss right now, yet for some reason, it’s her that my mind is focused on.

The worst part is that most people would think I’m fucked up for missing a therapist. They just can’t understand. The only person who ever really understood this, and gets it, was Jasmine. But she’s not around to talk to anymore. At least I can still share it here and not look like an idiot.

 

26 thoughts on “Left Out

  1. summerSHINES

    I understand it because I am feeling the exact same feelings tonight about my therapist. I am hurting. Feeling like I’m missing out. The weekends are lonely. ❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think it’s a good sign to be missing her. She sounds really a beautiful.person and we all long for deep connection are wired for it. Not longing and missing would be a sign you had cut off your heart. I’m struggling right now as I don’t feel I can contact my therapist and my heart us aching over family. I just sat down and cried. What you feel is completely natural and healthy. Lots of love. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • She truly is a beautiful person, and my most significant attachment figure. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling, and don’t feel connected to your therapist. It causes us so much pain during these times. I hope things start looking up for you soon. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The only reason I’ve not been so attached to a therapist was because I kept getting moved around different services so my therapist kept changing, it was annoying because I felt like i was repeating myself to each one of them. I’m thinking of going into private therapy maybe if I pay for treatment I’ll actually have some consistency with the system. it sounds like you have strong relationship with your therapist, I see that as quite a good thing as like i said not having that kind of relationship with a therapist seems to have hindered my views on the system where I’m from and has kind of put me off getting help. I hope your therapist is helpful to you though ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • That sounds so frustrating. The relationship that we establish with our therapists is vitally important, so not being able to connect to just one seems to nullify the idea of therapy. Going into private therapy seems like the best option, and I would encourage you to do that (if you’re able to). Starting therapy, and the relationship I have with my therapist, has changed me in so many ways. It’s worth all the hard, sometimes excruciating, work. ❤

      Like

    • Thank you. It is hard to share this with those outside the mental health blogging world, because it’s almost a guarantee that they won’t understand. I understand being embarrassed to tell your therapist how you feel, but it’s such a freeing experience when you do. We’re not the only clients of theirs who feel this way, so they’re pretty used to this sort of thing.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. dbest1ishere

    I completely understand these feelings. Normally I am also ok with the boundaries but the past two weeks I have wanted to be with my therapist. I think about her all the time. I’m glad you posted this because I really thought I was alone with these feelings

    Liked by 1 person

  5. all the little parts

    My therapist is training this week and I’m missing her too… wondering what training she’s doing, who she’s talking to, what side of her they see… even what she’s wearing!! Urgh… get this… really do!! Perfectly normal and she’d tell you that too I’m sure. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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