It’s autumn this side of the world, yet most days it feels like the middle of summer. Like today. It irritates me.
For as long as I can remember, summer has been my worst, and winter has been my favourite season. There’s something magical about it for me. The shorter days. Waking up in the morning when it’s still dark, as opposed to the blaring sun on summer mornings, that even my blackout curtains can’t contain enough to my liking. The world just feels different during winter. I don’t think I’m fit for the South African climate. But this is where I am, where I always have been, so I deal with it as I can. It helps that I love the city I’m living in. We’re currently in the middle of a drought that seems to have no end in sight. But earth has a way of righting herself, so I know it will come to an end at some point. I just wish it would be sooner rather than later. I miss the rain.
My mom once joked that since I was born in summer, it might explain why I was such a fussy and unhappy baby and child. That idea doesn’t seem too implausible. Maybe if I explain a few of my little quirks, you’ll gain a better understanding of why I say this, and the reason for me preferring the colder months.
I have an extreme dislike of the sun in summer. It seems way too bright and makes me feel nauseous if I’m in it for longer than 20 minutes without a cap and sunglasses. When I’m in the sun for an extended period of time I become moody and irritable. Shade is my best friend. I can’t handle getting hot. I don’t like getting too cold either, but I prefer that to the heat. I’d rather be shivering and wishing for some extra warmth, than actually having the sun blaring down on my skin. I don’t do the whole tanning thing either. I don’t get how people can enjoy that. To each their own I guess.
I don’t like walking around in summer clothes. I don’t like having my arms and legs exposed to the elements. But of course, I have little choice in the matter. I can’t walk around in the blistering heat with winter clothes on. That would just be silly. In case you’re wondering… Yes, I wear bikini’s when I go to on a beach holiday, but I stay in the shade as much as possible. I love those little beach tents. So it’s not a body image thing. I don’t go into the ocean much. The whole “not being able to see what’s in the water” thing. I most certainly don’t want any sea weed touching me either. One of my friends once suggested I get or rent a wet-suit. That seems like a great idea. I’m definitely going to invest in one of those when I can afford it. I won’t ever rent one though… to me that’s the equivalent of sharing underwear.
Being bundled up in layers is glorious. Sipping hot chocolate, reading, watching a movie. It’s so cozy. And I like cozy. I can’t sleep without at least a sheet covering me, which makes it difficult to sleep on those exceptionally hot nights where I wish I could sleep naked and without anything covering me. But even sleeping under just a sheet isn’t comfortable… I like more weight… Which is why I love my weighted blanket. It’s Egyptian cotton and can be used in all seasons. But even that can be a little too warm in very hot weather. It’s worth it though. I love how I feel under that blanket. It’s so comfy. Definitely the best investment I’ve ever made.
Something one of my best friends finds particularly weird, is how I walk around in socks at any opportunity I get. Even during the summer months. I don’t like my feet exposed either. Unless I’m on a bed or a couch. Somewhere my feet aren’t touching the ground. The thought of something crawling on them freaks me out (yes, a lot of things do). My feet are also very sensitive to sensation, and I hate most sensations. The only exceptions are fresh green grass and the softest beach sand. If the sand isn’t a certain texture, my shoes stay on. I don’t like wearing shoes either, but I’d rather wear sneakers all the time than open-toed shoes. When I was in the clinic I was always walking around in just my socks. I went to meals, groups, and even sessions with my psych and therapist, that way. Can’t do that out in the real world unfortunately. Oh, but I don’t sleep with those things on. Winter makes my sock wearing more comfortable and provides a better excuse, “I need to keep my feet warm”.
Only those who know me well know some of the weirder quirks I’ve written about here. So that makes you part of the “inner circle”. I try to act “normal” out in the world. Which is probably why I like being alone and away from the outside world as often as possible. There’s more I could write about this, but it will be too long of a post, so I’ll end this here.
I don’t completely hate the sun though. The winter sun seems less harsh, so even though I still can’t spend too much time in it, I can handle more, and I don’t get as moody as during summer. The sun is glorious when it’s a cold day and I’m wrapped up in layers. On those days, the sun isn’t overpowering. It’s gentle. Warm. Not hot. Now that I can take pleasure in.
Winter… I can’t wait to see you again. Autumn… you must be confused. Bring on the cooler weather please.