Friday night I had a full on BPD moment. For the first time in many months, I experienced intense, extremely painful emotions. DBT skills out the window- Distress Tolerance, what’s that? How do I do that? My cognitive functioning was severely impaired, and the only way I could think of to cope was through self-harm (which I haven’t done in months either). This episode shook me. I had forgotten how horrific this type of experience was. I’ve been in a dark, depressive place ever since.
I don’t want to go into specifics right now as to what set me off, but I will say that it was a cumulative effect… two days worth. I’m exhausted and can’t write much at the moment.
I feel as though all the progress I’ve made over the past two years has been lost. But maybe that’s just the depression speaking.