BPD Got Me

Friday night I had a full on BPD moment. For the first time in many months, I experienced intense, extremely painful emotions. DBT skills out the window- Distress Tolerance, what’s that? How do I do that? My cognitive functioning was severely impaired, and the only way I could think of to cope was through self-harm (which I haven’t done in months either). This episode shook me. I had forgotten how horrific this type of experience was. I’ve been in a dark, depressive place ever since.

I don’t want to go into specifics right now as to what set me off, but I will say that it was a cumulative effect… two days worth. I’m exhausted and can’t write much at the moment.

I feel as though all the progress I’ve made over the past two years has been lost. But maybe that’s just the depression speaking.

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23 thoughts on “BPD Got Me

  1. Hi Rayne, so sorry you are in a difficult place right now. I know that headspace well, and it is so hard. I’m going to share with you an analogy I read somewhere that stuck with me. The process you are going through to heal is like building a house with bricks. Each time you learn or grow, you add a brick. When the storms come, you may need to retreat for awhile. There may be a few days where you can’t add any bricks. But the old bricks do not disappear in that time. They are still there, the foundation you’ve already built, waiting for you to come back and add more. Healing is not linear. There will be intense moments and missteps. There will be times you need a minute just to recoup. That’s okay. Your progress is not lost. I wish you strength and hope the intensity fades soon. x

    Liked by 4 people

  2. You’re progress is definitely not for anything. This is a momentary set back that you’ve gotten through before and WIL be able to get through again.

    Believe in yourself, love. I believe in you and care for you so much. Please reach out to me or anyone else in significance if you need someone to be there for you. I’m giving you all of my love and grace. You’re a very special person, never forget that, love. 🙏🙏🙏💞🌹

    Liked by 1 person

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