Writing and the Lack of it

I just realized that I haven’t written any new posts this month, and it surprises me that I’m still getting new followers. Had another one just a little while ago. Thank you, and welcome, to my new followers.

In the online world, and having witnessed a couple of my favourite blogs remain inactive for months now, it’s easy to start in with assumptions. Especially considering the topic of mental health/illness that we write about. Questions such as “Are they alive? Are they okay?” run through my mind. So for those of you who have been part of my blog for a while, I felt an update is in order.

Life has been a bit of a roller-coaster. I have a lot more demands on my time from both a work (mostly this) and personal standpoint. I’m dealing with a difficult client and an increasingly difficult father. I swear he gets worse with age. I seem to have been given the role of “fixer” again. “When things fall apart, let’s call on Rayne. She owes me anyway. Fuck her boundaries.” My goal is still to get out of this place before the end of the year. Just hope I survive until then.

Because of all this, I’ve had to take as much time to myself to do other things as I possibly can. I’ve only seen a friend once this month so far, as I just want to be alone when I have spare time. I feel all “socialed” out. I’m overwhelmed and stressed. But I’m hanging in there.

Another reason I’ve been quiet is that with weekly therapy sessions now, I don’t feel the need to write and process on my blog as much as I used to. I still process between sessions of course, but I tend to take those thoughts directly to my therapist as it’s still relatively “fresh” in my mind. She’s been really lovely, and is a great therapist. Of course I still miss A (my previous therapist- the best ever), but I know I made the right decision, so that helps.

Please know that even though I might not post as much as I used to, I won’t ever close this blog down. It’s too precious to me. Last week I spent some time reading certain old posts to get some insight into something specific, and it really helped. So there’s a lot of value in having this space.

It’s been a long and busy day, so I’m going to unwind by working on my new puzzle. If that’s not mindfulness, I don’t know what is.

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10 thoughts on “Writing and the Lack of it

  1. I have only recently found your blog, so I am not personally aware you the absence you speak of, but I am definitely familiar with the fear of not knowing why a Blogger has stopped posting… There are several people I follow who stopped posting without explanation, and both had me very worried (fortunately, one recently started posting again, which was a big relief). I am glad you are back to writing and look forward to reading what you write in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Howdy Rayne!
    Like you, I follow a number of blogs that are highly personal accounts of the blogger’s struggle with mental health, and, like you, when the blogger doesn’t post for a while, I wonder about their health, status, and condition. I say wonder, but I mean worry. It goes with the territory when you’re dealing with intense emotional, familial, and life issues.
    I’m afraid it does intensify with age. The personality disorders don’t get better on their own. They tend to reify as the person ages. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself, and a good therapist is one of the best ways to do so. You’ll get more bang for your buck by telling her your week’s experiences than us, even though, there are those of us who worry for you.
    Hang in there. I’m glad to know that you’re taking some time for yourself and indulging in some of the things that help you feel better.
    Huzzah!
    Jack

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Im so glad your new therapist is helping you so much..its empowering to know you made the right decision. I see you growing in strength all the time and always value so much your support of my blog. Sorry too things are so tough with your Dad. ❤❤💚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Deborah. My therapist has really been great. One thing that surprised me about her is how open she is to hugs and touch, and she knows just how to use it. 🙂 It’s also been good for me to see someone every week, and have that contained space regularly.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. It is… I didn’t realize just how “corrective” those kinds of experiences can be. It seems to give me more of a feeling of safety in the world when I’m not in the therapy room.

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  4. I suffer from writing block at times. Writing is my passion but it isn’t with me 24/7. There are times when words aren’t coming and other times when words are coming to me like lava flowing from a volcano. Your blog posts are well-written that I do relate to.

    Liked by 1 person

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