Up In The Air

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Happy new year everyone. I know I’m a little late to the party but my mind has just been messed up. I’m feeling a lot of confusion over so many things, and haven’t been feeling quite like myself. I feel like I’m a different person. Me, but different somehow. Everything around me feels different. People look different. Sound different. There have been a couple of moments where I’m not even fully sure where I am, even though it’s my own room or another familiar place. It takes a few minutes for my brain to adjust and realize where I am. It’s almost similar to what I experience with dissociation but with an added element of not even recognizing the place at all, not just feeling distant from it. Like the one day, I was reading, and the next minute I was looking around my room aware of being two different ages at once, one under the surface, and panicking because I wasn’t in my room. It turns out that “my room” was the one we lived in when I was in my early teens. Thankfully, this state doesn’t last very long and has only happened a couple of times.

It could be due to stress. My dad told me that we’re going to be moving in February so I must start packing. He doesn’t know where. Just that we have to be out. They’re looking for a smaller and cheaper place (the business is still not doing well). I asked him whether I’ll still be able to have my own room and he said he doesn’t know. So it’s all just up in the air. And when I say all I mean all (work, relationships, etc). Nothing makes much sense. Nothing feels stable.

I’ve been trying to hold onto little things to feel some sense of normality and stability.

Will it end?

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10 thoughts on “Up In The Air

    • I’ve dealt with both those aspects of dissociation for as long as I can remember, but the thing I described in this post, seemed out of the ordinary to how I usually experience those states.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lexicon Lover

        I got all kinds of varied states as well. Predominantly at the time I experienced myself almost out of my body watching myself performing various functions. However, as time pressed forward other states of mind presented. I thought I was going “crazy.” I was blessed to be graced to do long term psychotherapy in Brookline, MA with a PhD for nearly 15 years who helped me sort things out. I started out in his DBT class and then moved into his private practice. I had heaps of complex trauma in childhood & adolescence. I enjoy reading your blog. 🙂

        Like

  1. Rayne
    First of all, Thank you for being generous with all of us about what you are experiencing. Next, I will tell you that there has been a similar feeling, with me, since the end of November and I am just now starting to feel like things are reorienting to something I recognize or feels like “normal”. I have read of a few I follow, that from what they are writing, have gone through a period of disorientation. As I was reading of your experience I thought maybe you were lucid dreaming. My approach has evolved into not trying to escape what is. Going with whatever is happening, just staying present with it. Attention to our bodies and thoughts can reveal a great deal and I do my best not to judge what’s happening as good or bad. I have found that I respond more accurately when I’m going with it instead of against

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can vaguely relate to this sensation of disorientatation and dissociation. I came through a rough period recently and thought I was on my way back up, but now I’m not so sure. I keep getting this feeling there’s something I should be confronting, but I really don’t know what it could be. I hope things start to look up for you and that this move ends up being an unexpectedly positive thing for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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