When I was in the clinic last year and while attending the Tuesday group sessions, we often spoke about boundaries, and, using DBT, ways to enforce those boundaries while maintaining self-respect.
While I’ve become better at setting and stating my boundaries, the follow through doesn’t come as easily. I may do well for a while, but then give in for some reason or the other. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling lonely (not to be confused with being alone). Maybe I feel bad for the person. And sometimes, maybe because I feel the need to fit in and avoid conflict (as in the case of my dad).
I’m still a work in progress, and don’t know if I’ll ever become an “expert”. But that’s okay. The important thing is to remember that I have the right to set and maintain these boundaries.
With that in mind I’ve decided to make a list of things I’d like to remember when it comes to my self-respect and boundaries. This list may change and grow over time, but for now this is what I’ve got.
It’s not my responsibility to fix or heal others.
I have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty about it.
I have a right to my own opinions.
My feelings are valid.
I have the right to my own space and time.
I don’t have to explain my reasons.
I’m allowed to change my mind.
I have the right to walk away when a situation or person makes me uncomfortable.
My needs are also important.
I have the right to ask for what I want and need, just as the other person has the right to say “no”.
It’s okay to be different to those around me and not force myself to fit in.
Is there anything you would add to this list?