I started off good.Then came the panic.The fear.The fear happened. And they say fear isn’t the truth. Now I realize I’m not important.I don’t deserve the light after all. The love.I’m not good. I’m nothing.
As my recent posts have shown, I haven’t been in a good place emotionally. My issues and demons have re-surfaced in a huge way, causing me to doubt all the healing that I thought had taken place within me over the past few years. The other evening I stumbled upon a performance (which you canContinue reading “Healing Isn’t A One Time Thing”
My days feel meaningless. So does my life. No matter what I do, where I go, it’s there. The emptiness. Spending time with my regular two friends isn’t the same. Whereas before that would give me a mood boost, it does nothing for me anymore. I feel okay with them in the moment, but there’sContinue reading “A Day Has No Meaning Anymore”
Maybe my therapist is right. After all, why am I still here? Why am I still holding on? What exactly am I holding on for? Part of it is because I don’t have the courage to try to end things. The fear of failing and coming out alive but in a worse state terrifies me.Continue reading ““You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection””
Caught up in a place where only a part of me exists. There is no past. No future. Not even a “now”. “We could be stars if we could imagine life was real.” What does this even mean? I don’t know, but it makes sense somehow. To some distant entity within another part. The humanContinue reading “Where Nothing Exists”
Things are changing again. It’s supposedly a good change, so why am I left so confused? What are all these feelings? A heaviness has settled deep inside my body and soul. The words are lost in my head; explanations and sense hidden. Why does it feel like my time is coming to an end?