Can I see the wind?
I can see it move through the trees, but I can’t see the essence of it.
I can feel it blow across my face.
The effect is there, all around me.
Can I see my growth?
I can see it in my life, but I can’t see the essence of it.
I can feel it in my heart.
The effect is there, all around me.
I wouldn’t refer to myself as a sunshiney (I don’t think that’s a word, but it is now) person. That honour belongs to my friend Summer… You know who you are.
But today I feel like I am the sun. I feel the sun shining down upon me, the warm glow filling every part of me.
And damn, it feels good!
I can’t remember when last I have felt this good, and had it last almost an entire day. It’s such a welcome relief.
I know there’s a lot of you out there who feel the opposite today. And to you I’d just like to say this:
The darkness feels real right now. It is real. But so is the light. And you will experience that light again. When you feel that sunshine, don’t spend it fearing the darkness that might come again. Just allow yourself to be present in that moment, without thought of what might come tomorrow, or even a few hours later. Enjoy it. Because it’s these little moments of sunshine in our lives that keep us breathing through the worst storms.
I had coffee with one of my best friends on Sunday afternoon/evening. As usual I really enjoyed spending time with her. I had been depressed that day again, and even though she also wasn’t feeling so great either, she made me feel so much better about myself (the way she always does). She said some really nice things, beautiful compliments that touched me deeply.
On my way home, which is about a 45 minute drive, I started thinking…
No matter how bad I’m feeling, spending time with my closest friends always picks me up… It’s like an soul boost. I don’t have many friends in the real world, but those I have are extremely special to me. I’m grateful that they’ve stood by me through the years, and given me the gift of themselves.
So, what about getting a box, decorating it nicely, and filling it with things that will give me that soul boost when I’m alone? When I feel like just giving up on life. When I feel like a monster, the worst person in existence. I’ll get a small journal type book and write down all the positive things people say to me. Maybe I’ll sometimes even get them to write a little something themselves if they’re up for it. I’ll also write about those moments where I see someone doing a random act of kindness. To remind me that the world is a beautiful place. That there are still good people, and they’re all around us. I’m also going to add little cards or things I find with encouraging quotes, and photos that mean a lot to me, memories I want to hold onto. I’ve already asked my two best friends whether they would each write me a little note that I can put in this box, separate from the book. They were both very enthusiastic about it. One of my friend’s boyfriend also wanted to get in on it, which I found very sweet. He’s fast becoming a very good friend too. An all around great person. I’ve got some notes/letters from my therapist that I’m also going to add, as well as a letter I’ll be writing to myself (I got this idea from a fellow blogger).
During my intense ‘crisis’ moments, it’s often difficult to think positive. To remember the good. When I’m bombarded by negativity and darkness, it seems to block out all the light.
When I feel like no one cares, or that everyone will be better off without me, I’m going to open up that box, and go through everything. Fill my mind with all the good instead. It will force my brain to focus on something external, when it can’t do it on it’s own. I’m pretty sure this ‘Box of Hope’ will give me the power to push away the intensity of the darkness.
Here are two songs that I really like, and that have helped me during some of my dark moments. The last one has helped me the most. It’s older, and I love her voice and the lyrics.
Maybe you can start your own ‘Box of Hope’.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you’re feeling completely broken, and while watching a TV series, movie, listening to a song, or even reading a book, you’re hit with words that seem to be just for you in that very moment? Injecting you with new hope and strength.
That happened to me last night. I was watching The Hunger Games movies (yes, again – it’s my guilty pleasure) and in the 3rd installment I heard the words I really needed to hear. I had to pause the movie, because I was crying so much. It felt as though I was the one being told these words to. It was healing. Inspiring.
I’ve decided to share that quote here, as well as another fairly recent one that has been a source of comfort and strength. I hope you also find some inspiration in these words.
We find strength in unexpected ways and places. What quotes, movies, or songs have given you new strength and hope, or inspired you? Please share them with us.
I heard Katy Perry’s new song today, and it grabbed me in a powerful way. Most of all it inspired me.
It’s my time to shine. It’s my time to start putting the pieces of myself together. To figure out who I want to be, who I am.
I may not be nowhere near where I want to be. But I’ll get there, on my own terms.
I never got the chance to be the rebellious teenager. So I’m going to be the rebel that’s a natural part of me, the part that I suppressed. She also deserves free expression.
I will no longer be controlled… Told what to do, or how to feel.
I will no longer conform, just because I’m afraid of conflict.
I will no longer be silent. I have a voice, and I’m going to use it.
It’s time for me to write my own story. To transform.
I will rise.