Last week my therapist cancelled our session due to a personal loss. My heart went out to her. It was a strange experience. Usually a cancellation would trigger my abandonment issues. But this time all I could think and feel was an intense sadness for her. What this cancellation means to me didn’t even enterContinue reading “A Lifeline”
I started off good.Then came the panic.The fear.The fear happened. And they say fear isn’t the truth. Now I realize I’m not important.I don’t deserve the light after all. The love.I’m not good. I’m nothing.
Maybe my therapist is right. After all, why am I still here? Why am I still holding on? What exactly am I holding on for? Part of it is because I don’t have the courage to try to end things. The fear of failing and coming out alive but in a worse state terrifies me.Continue reading ““You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection””
Today was one of those days where everything that can go wrong, did. I had a few errands to run, and one of them had a deadline and was critical to get done. I’m aware that I sometimes make things hard on myself. So I can’t blame external forces for everything. I was the oneContinue reading “A Long Day”
I shouldn’t be drinking wine (or any form of alcohol) when I’m on my own. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. There’s a sense of rebellion in it, and for some reason, tonight, that feels good. You see, I told my therapist I wouldn’t, yet here I am. I lied to the one person whoContinue reading “It’s Not Okay”
This past week has been a difficult one for me. There was another episode with the dad, one that left me feeling terrified and paranoid for days. My body and senses on high alert. The current state and chaos going on in the country and the world didn’t help with the paranoia. As the lockdownContinue reading “Getting Through Challenging Times”