Oh, How Quickly It Goes

I received my salary on Friday, and it’s all almost already gone. Bought some of the things I need for the month, made a few payments, and now just waiting for a few expenses to go off at the end of the month and that will be it, my account will basically be empty. It’s the same thing every month (when I haven’t had any web design or photography jobs like the past two months now).

I wish it was because I buy a whole bunch of crap and things I don’t need. Because then I could do something about it. My dad and step-mom send me to go buy things for the house and lunch and there’s always change, which I keep (they know I do). That change is then used to buy myself things I still need (like toiletries, etc) that I just can’t get my salary to cover. So I’m extremely grateful for those extra little amounts which get me through the month.

Finances are an area of great frustration for me. I hate having to rely on someone else to help me. It also brings a sense of guilt and shame. But for now, it is what it is. I have to accept this is how it is right now. What’s the point of stressing about my financial situation? It doesn’t change anything. I’m doing what I can to try get out of this situation, and that’s good enough.

It could be much worse, and in a way I’m lucky. I’m able to go to therapy, get my medication every month. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a warm and cosy bed. It’s okay to feel upset over my financial situation sometimes. As long as I also try to balance it with the more positive view.

Money isn’t everything. I know that. But it sure does help.