About Me & This Blog

Hi, and thanks for stopping by!

I don’t want to go into detail on this page, so let me give you a short background of myself, and how this blog came about.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with depression. There were plenty of times, especially in my teen years and my 20’s, when I considered suicide. There were times where it was all I could think about for days. Researching. Planning. Yet somehow (I don’t always remember how) I made it through relatively unharmed. There were plenty of instances where self harm was my ‘therapy’.

Now, in my early 30’s, it felt as though my life had spiraled out of control once again, as though I was losing my mind. Extreme episodes of overwhelming negative emotions became more frequent. At other times, I felt that nothing mattered anyway. So what if I lose my mind? So what if I didn’t exist anymore? I knew if I didn’t do something about this once and for all, I might not make it through this time.

It was March 2016.

Like I had done so many times before, for the past couple of years, I went on a search for a psychologist. This time I came across one I had never seen before. Something clicked. I went through her website a few times. There was something about her that drew me in. A few days later (it could have been longer), and one evening after a couple glasses of wine I found the courage to contact her. We set up an appointment for the next day.

The first time I met her I felt an instant connection. I’ll still explore that in posts, as it’s complicated and is something that has a major effect on me. Our first meeting she told me she suspected a personality disorder. I didn’t really bother too much about that then, because I was fascinated by her. She was the center of my mind and world. It wasn’t until a later session, in April, that she discussed my diagnosis with me. I knew we were going to talk about it that session, so the weekend before, I did some research. I was curious. I could identify with a few of the personality disorders, but one in particular knocked the breath right out of me. Borderline Personality Disorder. The more I read, the more I wanted to. I had mixed reactions. Horror: I don’t want this! Relief: Things make so much more sense now. I went into our next session both wanting to hear my therapist confirm that I’m right in assuming it was BPD, and also hoping that it wasn’t. I’m a walking contradiction. I was also diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. But that one didn’t come as a shock.

Being ‘new’ to this BPD world, I have trouble using and recognizing some of the terms sometimes, but we all start somewhere, right? I was inspired by another blogger who writes on this topic, and realized that starting this blog might be therapeutic. I have always found writing to be the one activity I can get lost in for hours at a time. That’s a big thing, considering that my attention span is usually equivalent to that of a 3 year old.

I dedicate this blog to everyone who shares one or both of these challenges. Or any mental health challenge for that matter. If someone manages to find their way here, and finds something valuable in my writing, or can relate to something, it will be worth it.

For a few different reasons I have decided not to disclose my identity or those of whom I write. No names, but if you see any, they’re most likely pseudonyms.

We might not always believe this, but there is hope. Like a lighthouse… It’s light can be seen shining during even the most turbulent of storms.

And so I begin my journey to greater awareness, discovery and ultimately… healing.

❤ Rayne

Disclaimer: I am not a professional. All views and opinions expressed on this website are my own personal experiences or second hand accounts and does not constitute professional or medical advice and views. This site may trigger susceptible individuals, so please read with caution and take care.

30 responses to “About Me & This Blog”

  1. Thank you so much for sharing a link to a post! I am just catching up with your posts now, and am looking forward to reading more 🙂 And I absolutely LOVE the look of your blog – it’s really beautiful….. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank YOU for inspiring me, and for your lovely comment. 🙂 I’m glad you like my blog design… I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so it took a while to get it to a place I was happy with. So it’s great to hear someone likes it, and to know my efforts weren’t in vain, lol. Thanks for your support. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s very therapeutic to read some of your posts and being able to relate to them. I really enjoy your blog!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi, and thank you for your comment. I’m glad you enjoy my blog. Just knowing others can relate and find my writing helpful, makes it all worth it. 🙂

      Like

  3. Hey, I just stumbled over your blog and I just want to tell you that I love your way of writing- it’s just so authentic and although I wasn’t looking for it your words just gave me something like hope – thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank YOU for your kind words. I’m glad my words could give you some hope. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. i like what i read ABOUT you and will check our the rest of your writing, i am so honoured you stopped by my blog. hope i can be a source of help and inspiration to anyone who reads my little lines.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Gina. Thanks for making your way over to mine and for commenting. Looking forward to reading more of your posts… They really are inspirational. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. thank you very much, i have enjoyed your writing too, after my errands tonight i am back to reading more.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Thank you for the Follow Rayne. Back atcha! It seems we survive through an affliction which we both share in common, unfortunately. I am looking forward to reading your posts and hearing what you have to say. Thank you again for your Follow. It means the world. X

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Chris. You’re very welcome, and thanks for the follow back. I like what you wrote on your ‘about’ page. Very interesting. I’m very selective when following blogs these days, and yours is definitely worth it. 🙂

      Like

  6. […] JOURNEY TOWARD HEALING-MY JOURNEY THROUGH BPD AND DEPRESSION – Someone trying to make sense of her world  […]

    Like

    1. Thanks for the awesome shoutout. 🙂 ❤

      Like

  7. Hi Friend
    So glad you took a look around my blog. Thanks for following me and I will follow you. We both have our struggles with mental illness, different diagnosis an understanding.
    Have a restful day and try to do something special for yourself on the day off.
    🙂
    M

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi M. Sorry for only replying now… For some reason I only saw your comment today. 😦 Thanks for following my blog. I hope you’re well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hey–So happy you found our blog and led me to yours. I will be reading more. Welcome to the blog world…you will find much support here! Sharon

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi. 🙂 Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and for your comments. I appreciate it so much. It’s a great community here on WordPress… So far I’ve only had good experiences. Everyone is lovely, and the support has been invaluable (and surprising). 🙂

      Like

  9. I look forward to reading your posts 🙂 Am fascinated in the endless journey of BPD and self discovery and healing…all of it. xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi. 🙂 Thanks for the follow, and for your comment. I hope you enjoy some of the posts. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is wonderfully written, you know what I mean 😊 Thank you for sharing and letting us into your most inner thoughts and feelings. Inspiring 😘

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, thank you my beautiful friend. It’s good to ‘see’ you here. 😉 Looking forward to reading more of your posts. Get at it. 😛 ❤

      Like

  11. Just…Thanks.

    Wishing you the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I so get the attention span thing. Lack of focus is my one major struggle with blogging; to sit still long enough to read and write. I love your blog and am glad you found your way here

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s definitely a struggle. Thank you, I’m glad you like it. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  13. chainbreakercorporation Avatar
    chainbreakercorporation

    You are badass for surviving all this and having the courage to share!
    乁( • ω •乁)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  14. Recently discovered your blog. It’s incredibly reassuring to hear that I’m not alone in sharing our struggles (particularly with respect to depression). Good luck and looking forward to following

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi. 🙂 Thanks for making your way over to my blog, and I’m glad you find it reassuring. Thank you so much for your comment. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Hi, I was always interested in understanding and helping people with any kind of disorder such as anxiety, depression or anything related to feeling unhappy. From my childhood, I always tried to figure out what makes me happy and thought deeply about life and why people get upset, why people get angry and what is the purpose of life and with time I have learned how to live in a way to find my inner purpose and follow it. I would love to connect with you. You have written so many thoughts and I think it is amazing you sharing your inner world with others.

    Liked by 2 people

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