I Wasn’t Ready

Group starts up again tonight. I’ve been going back and forth on whether I’ll be going back since the evening I found out that I won’t be able to go from February onward. I’ve decided that I’ll go tonight, only because one of the ladies I’ve been speaking to regularly is going and would like me to be there too.

I feel let down by the entire team (there are other reasons too), and also that the option to check myself into the clinic if I ever feel myself spiralling down too far is gone. And there’s no other place I’ll go. This was it.

Is it wrong to feel abandoned?

While I understand why they’re changing things, to me, the logic doesn’t make complete sense. The program is there to help prevent relapse and further admission into the clinic. But with the change, it feels like it’s not going to serve that purpose. The psychologist who told us the news could see how it affected some of us. One of the other regulars was telling me how hopeless she feels now. That this group was the only support system she had.

“Get a therapist.” Those words, uttered by the psychologist to her that night, are etched in my mind. He doesn’t get it. It’s not about having a therapist. The value of the group lies in feeling like part of a group of people who understand those parts of us that others in our lives just never will. In an environment that’s protected and led by someone who knows what they’re doing. This lady I’ve been talking to, really needs these Tuesday’s. And she can’t afford a therapist.

A lot of the regulars have left over the past few months. They were ready to move on. Those few of us who are still there aren’t ready to move on just yet. I was slowly starting to get ready, as I didn’t feel the need to go every Tuesday anymore. I’ve skipped a few over the past couple of months. I would have liked to have had the option to continue going as long as I felt the need to, and not have a time limit suddenly thrown at me.

It feels like one of my support systems has crashed and burned. Sounds dramatic, I know. But it feels dramatic to me right now.

Anyway, I guess they don’t owe us anything.

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10 thoughts on “I Wasn’t Ready

  1. Yeah, that sucks. Doesn’t sound dramatic, at least not to me. And yeah, you have a right to whatever feeling comes up about this.

    The psychologist who said “Get a therapist” UGH! Nothing like trying to put some band aid on the wound like it’s not really a big deal. And like a good therapist is easy to find. Nice going on him to not consider that some might not be able to pay for a therapist.

    With so called health care changing in the US (not sure where you are) I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop myself, taking my access to DBT away from me.

    I’m really sorry that you are losing this support system.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your comment. Yeah, that psychologist came across very cold that evening, which is something I mentioned to the OT, and she told me that she thinks he may have been nervous. Makes sense. I’m in South Africa, so the health care system is still the same. The nice thing about this group was that there were no fees involved. It’s a free service. I hope you don’t lose access to your DBT.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t imagine the feeling of abandonment that this situation presents. “The State” suck in my opinion.
    Are there any support groups that meet that are nonprofit or self-supporting. That is where I would attempt to find like-minded sufferers meeting to help each other out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wonder if the therapists running the group even had any say in the matter. It seems like often this kind of thing come from paper-pushers on high that know nothing about (and care nothing about) the actual people being affected by these short-sighted decisions.

    Like

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