For some reason, it’s very hard for me to be alone on a Saturday evening. I’ve noticed that this is when I struggle the most with intense feelings, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm urges. It’s also when I most want to be alone and am prone to push people away. The loneliness is overwhelming, yet at the same time, I just want to be alone. It doesn’t make sense.
I’ve noticed this pattern for a while now, and tried to figure out how far back this goes. It goes far. Way back.
What is it about a Saturday evening that stirs all these things up? I wish I knew the answer to this question. All I know is that the emotions come from a very deep, far away place and time.
Advertisements
Take care, Rayne.
Saturday evenings have long made me feel vulnerable and in a very low mood, also — whether I’m indoors or out — and likewise I’ve never known why.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing Buffy. I’m sorry you experience this too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Rayne. Hope you’re OK.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I get a feeling often, that seems like it’s similar. Sometimes I have to force myself to just be in someone else’s presence. If you ever just want to Skype or Facebook video, we could. We don’t even have to say anything, just chill, read books or listen to music or draw or color or whatever in each other’s presence. It’s not quite the same as sharing a space with someone, and it still takes making the choice to reach out, but the offer is there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much. 🙂
LikeLike
I have my similar experience on Sunday mornings…there are traumatic roots to that which took me a while to work out. I’m sorry you’re finding things difficult 😔 xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad you managed to work it out. Maybe I will be able to one day as well. xx
LikeLike
Dear Rayne: This is what I think of, in myself, as a CLUE.
“What is it about a Saturday evening that stirs all these things up? I wish I knew the answer to this question. All I know is that the emotions come from a very deep, far away place and time.”
So, when I finally recognize it, I say: “Dear One – Tell me. I am listening. I’m sorry if I have pushed you away before; I am stronger now, and want to hold your hand, if you’ll let me.”
After some time, I find out – usually, dear Rayne, by a sudden, knock me flat on my back flashback. After the throwing up or whatever, I say “Hi! I’m so glad you came. We can figure this out together.”
It ain’t easy. But it has worked so often for me. Holding your hand – TS
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your comment. It sounds scary doing this… Will have to build up the courage.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will keep you in my thoughts, Rayne. Warmly – TS
LikeLiked by 1 person
I find weekends tough sometimes, but even though I love my Saturday evenings I can empathise with those feelings Sometimes even when we want to push people away, do you sometimes also sense that maybe another part of you would love someone to be close? Its such a conundrum. Hugs to you Rayne. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s exactly it. I long for someone to just hold me during those moments, yet at the same time I don’t want anyone close. It’s a conundrum of note.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mmm I totally get it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
On a Saturday night the most traumatic event of my life occurred. Two years later, Saturday nights still can trigger anxiety and sadness, as if there is a negative energy attached to this particular time of the week. I’ve learned to prepare myself for this, make plans, keep busy–and sometimes, if needed, simply to surrender to it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for your comment Evelyn. I’m sorry you had to go through such trauma. I think I’m going to start preparing myself for these evenings as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry this happens!
I’ve started locking my bedroom door since my husband is away because I feel vulnerable. But only at night. It’s like during the day I feel like I HAVE to be tough so I push through and by the evening I am so exhausted I sleep 12 hours ONLLY after I have made it through the feelings you are describing. I’ve never had this until he left. He gets home for a day to do errands then goes back and him coming home doesn’t seem to turn it off as I can’t pull out of the feeling. I don’t know where it is coming from either. I’m just sorry you are feeling it
LikeLike