I’m so angry, I want to break and destroy things and certain people. My rage has been so intense and I don’t know any other way to release it in a satisfactory way, other than hurting myself. I haven’t seen my therapist in over two weeks, and won’t be seeing her tomorrow (and probably nextContinue reading “Under Again”
Too much pressure. Too much pain. Anxiety. Worry. One shock after another. One of my friends recently told me that I seem to have the worst luck. Ha! I try so damn hard. I try to be positive. And for what? For everything to blow up in my face anyway? For things to continually goContinue reading “Too Much”
Last week my therapist cancelled our session due to a personal loss. My heart went out to her. It was a strange experience. Usually a cancellation would trigger my abandonment issues. But this time all I could think and feel was an intense sadness for her. What this cancellation means to me didn’t even enterContinue reading “A Lifeline”
I started off good.Then came the panic.The fear.The fear happened. And they say fear isn’t the truth. Now I realize I’m not important.I don’t deserve the light after all. The love.I’m not good. I’m nothing.
Maybe my therapist is right. After all, why am I still here? Why am I still holding on? What exactly am I holding on for? Part of it is because I don’t have the courage to try to end things. The fear of failing and coming out alive but in a worse state terrifies me.Continue reading ““You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection””
I shouldn’t be drinking wine (or any form of alcohol) when I’m on my own. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. There’s a sense of rebellion in it, and for some reason, tonight, that feels good. You see, I told my therapist I wouldn’t, yet here I am. I lied to the one person whoContinue reading “It’s Not Okay”