Under Again

I’m so angry, I want to break and destroy things and certain people. My rage has been so intense and I don’t know any other way to release it in a satisfactory way, other than hurting myself. I haven’t seen my therapist in over two weeks, and won’t be seeing her tomorrow (and probably nextContinue reading “Under Again”

A Lifeline

Last week my therapist cancelled our session due to a personal loss. My heart went out to her. It was a strange experience. Usually a cancellation would trigger my abandonment issues. But this time all I could think and feel was an intense sadness for her. What this cancellation means to me didn’t even enterContinue reading “A Lifeline”

“You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection”

Maybe my therapist is right. After all, why am I still here? Why am I still holding on? What exactly am I holding on for? Part of it is because I don’t have the courage to try to end things. The fear of failing and coming out alive but in a worse state terrifies me.Continue reading ““You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection””

It’s Not Okay

I shouldn’t be drinking wine (or any form of alcohol) when I’m on my own. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. There’s a sense of rebellion in it, and for some reason, tonight, that feels good. You see, I told my therapist I wouldn’t, yet here I am. I lied to the one person whoContinue reading “It’s Not Okay”