On Thursday I went for my first dose of the Pfizer covid vaccine. It went better than I was expecting. I have no issues with needles, but I do get anxious and paranoid about side effects (same as whenever I take a new medication).
My arm was a bit painful that evening, but not enough to take anything for it (it was much better the next day). I also woke up with a cold sore. I’ve gotten them my whole life. I don’t get sick often, most of the time I just get a cold sore, then I know my immune system is fighting something, so need to take care of myself. So this side effect was normal for me and showed that the vaccine was doing it’s thing.
I never got a flu shot because I rarely get a cold or flu, so just didn’t see the need. But Covid is different. And I also want to do my part.
Like everyone else I’m so sick of this thing already. But more than that, I’m so tired of all the misinformation and conspiracy theories. Social media is overwhelming. That’s why I prefer to read my weekly science magazine, psychology, animal (especially dogs) and entrepreneurship articles.
Every now and then a family member or friend will send me a link to something that’s doing the rounds and ask me whether it’s fake news, a conspiracy theory, or accurate. If I don’t already know the answer, I’ll go do some research. Most of the time it’s a bunch of nonsense. But I’m glad the person actually asked me, and didn’t send it as an “this is true, be careful!”. I do get frustrated sometimes though, especially when that person has just as much time as I do, but can’t be bothered to do their own research. I don’t know everything. I might get it wrong (and sometimes “I don’t know” is the best answer I can give). But I guess that’s the price I pay for enjoying reading and researching and having everyone in my life know it.
I mentioned in my previous post that things felt different with my therapist. When I went to see her for our next session, we spoke about it. I had been wondering whether she’s maybe been feeling overwhelmed, so asked her. I told her that I’ve always seen her as this easy-going, “nothing fazes me” type of person, so it’s strange to think that she can feel that way, even though I know she’s also just human. Her life has changed a lot because of baby, and she’s also still finding her bearings. Parenthood is a new thing for her and things she thought she’d be able to do turned out to be different in reality.
She’s shown me pictures of baby (absolutely adorable), and it really deepens my connection to her when she shares something about him here and there. It’s helped my jealousy subside as well. After our discussion I still don’t feel 100% about our connection, but I’m choosing to see it as a sort of transition we’re working on together. That it’s not the connection that’s the problem, but the little changes that I need to adapt to. I’m also dealing with depression at the moment, so that affects everything as well.
Just wish I could hug and see my mom, sisters, step-brother, uncle and some other people in person. The distance is so hard.
Journey Toward Healing 
One response to “Vaccine and Life”
I think you have lots of company in the frustration and weariness of the pandemic. A few therapists I know have not gone unaffected emotionally despite their continued good health and access to vaccines. Apparently, the world is full of those who aren’t good at research. Additionally, a portion of the human race accepts “assertion” as truth. Indeed, it could be argued that we were raised that way when we are taught religion growing up. I’m glad to hear you are working on the relationship with your therapist and were forthright about some of your concerns. That effort, by itself, is a sign of your growth.
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