On Accidents, Trauma, and Fighting for a Better Future

In over 15 years of driving, I’d never had an accident. Sure, I’d been in a few with other people driving. But this time I was the one behind the wheel. It was after threapy and I had just taken my car for a desperately needed wash, so was feeling pretty good. It happened so

Healing Isn’t A One Time Thing

As my recent posts have shown, I haven’t been in a good place emotionally. My issues and demons have re-surfaced in a huge way, causing me to doubt all the healing that I thought had taken place within me over the past few years. The other evening I stumbled upon a performance (which you can

A Day Has No Meaning Anymore

My days feel meaningless. So does my life. No matter what I do, where I go, it’s there. The emptiness. Spending time with my regular two friends isn’t the same. Whereas before that would give me a mood boost, it does nothing for me anymore. I feel okay with them in the moment, but there’s

“You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection”

Maybe my therapist is right. After all, why am I still here? Why am I still holding on? What exactly am I holding on for? Part of it is because I don’t have the courage to try to end things. The fear of failing and coming out alive but in a worse state terrifies me.

Where Nothing Exists

Caught up in a place where only a part of me exists. There is no past. No future. Not even a “now”. “We could be stars if we could imagine life was real.” What does this even mean? I don’t know, but it makes sense somehow. To some distant entity within another part. The human

In A Different World

Life feels strange these days. The world, a different place. It seems we’re all just trying to survive and not really living. I’ve been trying to keep a semblance of normality in my own life, but it’s not that easy when most things have changed. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m now staying