A Lifeline

Last week my therapist cancelled our session due to a personal loss. My heart went out to her. It was a strange experience. Usually a cancellation would trigger my abandonment issues. But this time all I could think and feel was an intense sadness for her. What this cancellation means to me didn’t even enterContinue reading “A Lifeline”

In Two Minds

I’ve never really cared about politics. At least not international politics. That changed as soon as Trump became president of the US. It just never sat right with me. His attitude and disturbing personality grated at me. The way he treated people. Not caring about the environment (something I’m deeply passionate about). And yes, evenContinue reading “In Two Minds”

Healing Isn’t A One Time Thing

As my recent posts have shown, I haven’t been in a good place emotionally. My issues and demons have re-surfaced in a huge way, causing me to doubt all the healing that I thought had taken place within me over the past few years. The other evening I stumbled upon a performance (which you canContinue reading “Healing Isn’t A One Time Thing”

“You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection”

Maybe my therapist is right. After all, why am I still here? Why am I still holding on? What exactly am I holding on for? Part of it is because I don’t have the courage to try to end things. The fear of failing and coming out alive but in a worse state terrifies me.Continue reading ““You Don’t Really Want to Die, You Want Connection””

A Long Day

Today was one of those days where everything that can go wrong, did. I had a few errands to run, and one of them had a deadline and was critical to get done. I’m aware that I sometimes make things hard on myself. So I can’t blame external forces for everything. I was the oneContinue reading “A Long Day”

It’s Not Okay

I shouldn’t be drinking wine (or any form of alcohol) when I’m on my own. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. There’s a sense of rebellion in it, and for some reason, tonight, that feels good. You see, I told my therapist I wouldn’t, yet here I am. I lied to the one person whoContinue reading “It’s Not Okay”