Journey Toward Healing

The Rage Inside

I’m so insanely angry, and I’m not even entirely sure where it’s coming from. I feel anger about everything and nothing at the same time. I haven’t felt this intense feeling of utter rage and hatred in years. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, set fire to buildings, start a fight in a bar, throw ‘him’ off my balcony. I want to HURT people. All those fucked up bastards who hurt children and teenagers, who hurt others just because they feel like it. I want to make them pay, in slow agony and send them to hell where they belong. This rage scares me, yet I also feel exhilarated by it. How fucked up is that?

Oh well, screw it.

Rayne

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17 responses to “The Rage Inside”

  3. Feeling the rage is a necessary part of healing. Directing it outward instead of inward is completely healthy. Express it. As long as you aren’t doing anything that will get you into trouble, express it! There is a lot to be angry about out there…

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    • Thanks for the validation. I should do more of that with my emotions, instead of feeling guilty about having them or trying to push them away (which never works anyway). Writing this post and sending it ‘out there’ helped, as well as expressing it with oil pastels and paper… My new favourite activity. 🙂

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  4. My personality is anger-based so I can envision how you feel. Mine used to be white hot, too. I think age has let me simmer but once in a while it boils over. The only things I can do are to 1) not let myself get to that point, or 2) experience it and let it pass. Thinking of you as you go through this valley my friend X.

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  6. Sometimes I don’t know if we have to have a “reason” for rage. Injustice sounds to be one of the reasons here for you – and also, considering the cultural contexts we all live in these days.. there is a lot to be upset about. Glad you are allowing yourself to observe what is coming up, as suppressing anger doesn’t really help too much. Sending support Rayne. xx

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    • Injustice indeed. I stopped watching the news months ago. I try and avoid it as far as I can, but it’s still all around us. I’d permanently be angry if I allowed too much of the ‘outside’ in. But there are certain things closer to home that we just can’t always run away from. Thanks for the support. xx

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  7. Rage is a powerful emotion. I used to feel a lot of anger and hurt others but then would feel guilty so I started repressing my rage but that dragged me into depression. So it’s best not to keep anger on the inside but also restrain it enough so you don’t and up in serious trouble. I’ve written blogs in anger before but I don’t publish them straight away knowing how cruel I can be, I usually write it save it and edit it when I’m feeling calmer before publishing. I suggest you try that even if it’s just a load of swear words or I suggest rock music the really aggressive kind so you can use your angry energy to rock out (I love doing that) and if you are angry with someone let them know but be careful what you say i usually treat the person how they behave that makes me angry (that hate that because it’s a reflection of what they don’t like about themselves) hope this helps. Sending much love to you ❤ xxx

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    • Thanks for your comment, lovely lady. I’m at expert at repressing, but I know that’s not a good thing. Most of the time I only trust my therapist with my emotions, and how I really feel. But even with her, I tend to disconnect from those feelings sometimes, so while I can explain how I feel, I struggle to always let them show and allow myself to feel them in that moment. I’m terrible at telling people that I’m angry with them, or that something they said or did, hurt me. I hate confrontation, so I’ll rather internalize it. I love dark, heavy music when I’m pissed off, especially when it’s coupled with a punching bag (which I currently don’t have anywhere to hang unfortunately), so I’m with you there. ❤

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  8. I understand exactly how you feel. I get the rage inside of me from time to time where i want to smash things and hurt abusers. I dont know where it comes from. With my ptsd my emotions just come forward so intense at times and i struggle to control them

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    • Emotions are definitely difficult to control. I know we’re supposed to have our emotions without them having us, but it’s easier said than done. Sometimes I wonder how we can separate our emotions from ourselves, when they feel like they ARE us… If that even makes any sense. Thanks for your comment. 🙂

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