My friend, Summer, started this series, and I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon. It’s for a good cause. #endthestigma.
If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t have stood on the jungle gym at my preschool, wanting to jump off, wishing the fall would kill me. Because what 5 year old has thoughts like that?
If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t have been watching my primary school classmates having fun, while I could barely smile, let alone laugh. Because what kid doesn’t want to enjoy her childhood?
If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t have had to witness my dads suicide attempts, trying to keep him conscious and breathing until the ambulance came. Because he could have just made the decision to not feel the pain and instantly be happy.
If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t have lost two people I loved to suicide. Because they wouldn’t have been in such intense pain that would make them think it’s the only way out.
If Depression were a choice… There’d be no such thing as suicide. Because how can something exist without a cause?
If Depression were a choice… I would leap out of bed every morning. Because I would be excited about the adventures the day would bring.
If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t have to smile and fake it. Because the happiness would be genuine.
If Depression were a choice… I’d never have to worry about what’s hiding behind someone’s smile. Because I’d know everything is okay.
If Depression were a choice… A bad day would just be a bad day. Because it would be easy to ‘snap’ out of it once the day was over.
If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t permanantly be exhausted. Because my mind and body would be full of vitality.
If Depression were a choice… I would have so much more time to do things I love and actually find joy and pleasure in doing them. Because I wouldn’t be wasting time in bed or on the cold floor, wishing to die instead.
But most importantly- If Depression were a choice… I wouldn’t just be surviving. I’d be living and thriving.